Jocellyn's Blog

Little thinking about love

I was thinking about love. Well, I was thinking about love since I was 12 and had my first crush (it was a passionate romance - my friend set us together and it lasted two weeks). I meant I was really thinking about love this particular evening.

When I was younger I believed, that you can love anybody. I had a few good reasons for such a dramatic opinion. I was dating completely wrong guys. I started to date someone without love just because I was feeling lonely, I wanted to forget someone else or just because I was curious how it is going to end.

After some time, I started to know these boys better. Well, as time went, I started to love them, even that they were completely different then me, their character was aweful, and so on. I realized, that I need to know a guy well to have some common experiences, to know his backgrounds, his weaknesses, his roots, his attitudes … and then I can love who he is even than I would not like him at the first time and maybe, that he is an idiot.

Love needs time and work. When I want to work on a relationship, it never ends by my iniciative. If I chose to accept someone as he is, if I chose to work on my issues (because when there is something wrong in the relationship, you can not ever change the other person, you can just try to change yourself and your attitude), if I chose to love him unconditionally, I know, that this is something serious.

Well, now I have slightly differnt opinion. I still believe that almost everyone is worthy my love, that I can fall in love with a guy of any kind and that one of the most important things are common experiences, deep knowledge of each other (which brings trust, because when you do know everthing about the other person, even the most personal and sensitive things, you have to belive him) and joint efforts and decision.

I once heard a nice comparison made by one sociologist, who´s name I forget (shame on me). When you bought a telephone in the 20th century and it broke down, you had it fixed. In 2012, when you bought even a toaster and it does not work, you just throw it away and buy a new one. The same is with relationships. In the good old days you worked on it. Built a joint life, tried to stick with one person, to deal with the problems. Now? Now it is more about changing partners (throwing away the bad ones), looking for the perfect one. I completely agree with it, we should try harder before we send broken toasters away.

What did change on my perspective?

I fell in love with the right guy. And now I have to admit, that love is not JUST about decision, work, and these practical stuff. It still matters … but … I have to tell you, that there is also something, which can not explain, which can not feel for anyone else, which is beyond the science. it is just love, the true, only love, and I believe that together with these other stuff, which I described, it can last forever.



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